Christmas & December 2009!

This was a very difficult month for me... well the term "Agoraphobic" can only describe what I'm personally going through.  I have felt such an overwhelming since of being "lost" & literally panic at the thought of getting into my car & going anywhere.  With the whole wide-world at my fingertips I find I crawl into the walls of the info-highway much safer than the "real" world lately.  It is a story that is time to share.  Just because I constantly hear "Nichole You can do it!" or "Nichole, We Miss YOU!" or "Nichole, it is easy just get up & motivate." - While all of these calls, letters, messages, e-mails, cards, letters...& the like keep pouring in.  I find myself drawing more inwards.  
  Yes it is very hard to believe considering how extremely out-going I am & How Blessed I have been through-out my life.  I can't explain it & I have no answers for what has happened.  In fact I try to mule through my mind many a times where & when it all started to happen.  The issues with my breasts did not help matters...being torn in 20 different directions perhaps or the fact that it is time to admit to the world "I CAN NOT DO IT ALL" is probably more in order.  I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way.  

  In fact...it is crippling, trying, exhausting, & most of all....it affects all those that I love deeply around me.  All I can say is that time will heal whatever started this spiral of desolation I've imposed upon myself. However, I thought it important to share because despite How Easy it can be for some...it is not so easy when put into these shoes to wear. Now I understand what others go through more so now than ever.  Being dubbed a Self Proclaimed "Survivor" in which I am if only my entire story were to be told.  I would think that I could just pick-up & go like normal, as I always have.  Maybe it is the Holiday Blues, or Missing my Family terribly.  Whatever, that reason is that I find and repair...be rest assured all will know when I'm back! :O)

  My Slideshow was probably not the appropriate place to put this but figured it would have the attention it deserved in understanding my world as I live in currently.  Having that said without further ado...
  We had our first snowfall that actually stuck to the ground.  Kaedyn had her Christmas Program, Alec registered for Basketball, I created a "Veranda" card playgroup for January & Random family pics of the Holiday...that about sums it up.  I really do look forward to using the best medicine I have & that is Close To My Heart.  When I create I find I'm in an entirely different world with inspirational CTMH Sisters.  It is something that pulled me from an abyss before & without question saved my life.  I'm quite sure as I pour over my new Idea Book pages...it renews that sense of belonging with my fellow sisters here & abroad fighting for our freedoms.  I LOVE YOU ALL!!!